I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to trust yourself. I have had a roller-coaster relationship with this concept, personally. This is my current thought process, this may be a little more stream of consciousness than usual:
What does it mean to trust yourself?
Well, what does it mean to trust someone else?
They show up consistently. You value them. You have faith in them. You believe in them.
The dictionary defines trust as: to believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.
Hmm okay, so if we were to doubt someone else as we doubt ourselves, would they trust us? Probably not…
If you told a friend that they better not mess up in front of everyone on stage because people in the audience will judge them, they probably wouldn’t be your friend for very long.
Trust is a leap of faith, it is a belief in something. Some people trust in the universe which is pretty much the most intangible of all. We don’t need proof to believe or trust, we just need to take the leap of faith.
Can you trust someone who’s flaky or procrastinates? If you have goals but don’t really work to achieve them, are you going to build trust with yourself? Do you bail on long term goals for short term pleasures?
Here are some thoughts I think are really helpful to practice if you’re trying to build self-trust:
I always know what’s best for me.
I always have my own back.
I don’t need my ideas to have outside validation, because I value my own opinion so highly. I don’t need permission to make decisions.
I am decisive and reliable.
I show up for myself.
I do things when I say I’m going to do them -- for me.
Do you trust yourself to do things when you say you’re going to do them?
When you practice, are you doing it for you?
This is one of the best questions I’ve come up with *toots own horn*. What I mean by this is, are you practicing so you can really get comfortable with difficult passages so YOU can feel better and more confident? OR are you just practicing to get it done, and get it right?
This is the difference between having your own back, and not treating yourself very well. Practicing so your future self can reap the benefits is so rewarding! Practicing so your subconscious and body feel natural producing that very hard passage, so there’s no question that in the performance you’re going to be able to nail it.
Practicing in a way that is encouraging with a “building” mindset instead of a “fixing” mindset. If you haven’t read my blog post “Building vs. Fixing” I would run not walk to find out about this concept *toots own horn again*.
Being deliberate about practice room habits that serve your long-term goals, not short term urges. Ex. Is your phone on “do not disturb”?? Are you moving on just because you’re frustrated and judgmental?
These urges to distract or look at the phone usually come from negative self-talk that creates frustration. You look at your phone because you don’t want to feel the frustration. All we do all day long is to try to avoid negative emotions. This action (that thing you have the urge to do) is called buffering. You put a buffer between you and your negative emotion. Buffering is when you do something that has a net negative effect.
When we build a relationship with our future selves, say you’re in your lesson and this past week self really didn’t get it done. They probably didn’t see the practice through or didn’t dig deep into the harmony of the piece they were working on or any number of things, basically, they just didn’t show up to their potential. Now, current-you is in your lesson thinking past-you is totally the WORST, thus ruining any trust you may have built.
Trusting one’s self is like trusting anyone else, and acknowledging that you have a relationship with yourself is such a huge step. How we treat ourselves dictates our emotions. If we are terrible to ourselves, we will probably feel terrible all the time. Building a relationship not only with your current self but your future self is so important. This is really how you have your own back.